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About Domestic Violence

WHAT YOU SHOULD KNOW

What Is Domestic Violence

Abuse is a pattern of physical, sexual, economic and/or psychological violence used to get control and maintain control over an intimate partner. It's important to know that you do not deserve to be abused, nor are you responsible for the abuse. Below are some examples of types of abuse that are common.

KNOW THE SIGNS

Types of Domestic Violence

Physical Abuse

  • Pushing, hitting, choking, kicking, biting, cutting, burning, spitting

  • Holding you down or preventing you from leaving the room

  • Throwing objects at you

  • Threatening you with a weapon

  • Locking you in or out of the house

  • Abandoning you in dangerous places

Psychological Abuse

  • Ignoring your feelings

  • Making fun of your beliefs

  • Threatening to take your children

  • Manipulating you with lies

  • Degrading women as a group

  • Calling you names like bitch, slut, whore, or cunt

  • Telling you that you're stupid, dumb, fat, or ugly

  • Isolating you from your friends and family

  • Constantly criticizing you and the way you do things

  • Making fun of your friends and family

Sexual Abuse

  • ​Treating you as a sex object

  • Assuming that you will have sex with any man

  • Criticizing the way you act during sex

  • Withholding sex and affection

  • Forcing you to have sex when you do not want to

  • Forcing you to have sex with other people

  • Forcing you to have sex after an argument or beating

  • Forcing you to have sex when you are pregnant or sick

Economic Abuse

  • Refusing to give you money for food or clothing

  • Making you ask for money

  • Forcing you to hand over money that you earn

  • Making you spend all your own money while he doesn't spend his

  • Refusing to support your children

  • Not letting you have access to a checking account

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GET THE ANSWERS

FAQs

  • Abusers use many ways to isolate, intimidate and control their partners. It may start insidiously and may be difficult to recognize. Early on, your partner may seem attentive, generous, and protective in ways that later turn out to be frightening and controlling. Initially the abuse may include isolated incidents for which your partner expresses remorse and promises never to do again or rationalizes as being due to stress or caused by something you did or didn’t do.

  • This is one of the most frequently asked questions about domestic violence, and the answer is complicated. The National Network to End Domestic Violence responds to this question best: “Why does the abuser choose to abuse?” The short answer for victims is the power of fear. Fear of being injured or killed keeps many women in abusive relationships, and their concerns are legitimate. The risk of death or injury to a victim is greatest when leaving an abusive relationship or shortly thereafter. NNEDV reports that “on average, three women die at the hands of a current or former intimate partner every day." Other reasons victims stay in abusive relationships are related to economic dependence, children, a sense of isolation, shame, past failures of the system to respond, and religious and/or societal pressures.

  • There are many warning signs. The physical signs are obvious: hitting, kicking, punching – anything that causes injury to a victim. Other signs include extreme jealousy and control, threats, forced sex, destruction of personal property or harm to pets, economic control, repeated contact such as constant text messages or phone calls to the office, refusal to let the victim see family and friends, threats to take away children or initiate deportation, constant criticism, or extreme anger. If you see these warning signs in a relationship, you should consider a safety plan and a means of escape.

  • There are a few subtle warning signs that can occur early in a relationship. A potential abuser may be eager to move the relationship along too quickly; he may seem “too good to be true”; later, he can repeatedly blame others for things that go wrong, refusing to accept accountability for his actions; he criticizes his partner’s appearance or uses put-downs to control his partner; he may try to limit access to his partner’s friends and family. These are a few noteworthy “early warning signs.”

  • If she tells you she’s in an abusive relationship, believe her. Give her resources she can use to get help, like a number for a domestic violence hotline. Acknowledge her fear and the risk she takes in speaking with you. If she does not wish to acknowledge the relationship, respect her right to privacy and to refuse help. Don’t force her to discuss the relationship with you if she is not ready. Don’t be

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